Can't say that my home feels much like the premiere adobe of love, but I got some Valentine's day decor up. Makes me feel better, oddly enough.
To leave behind or to be left behind? I often wonder which hurts more. One potentially comes with lifelong regret. The other with feelings of rejection. Tough call...
Well I risked my heart. We shared our lives. We bought the gifts, made the memories, and dreamed our dreams together — and now it has fallen apart, if not on the verge of doing so. Now, I’m seemingly back at the start in the quest for whatever once sparked the passions in our youth, searching for any tangible reason, believing that there was nothing that we could not overcome, and it feels lonelier than square one.
No one begins a life together with someone hoping to break it off someday. The wiring in most of us has us longing for ‘Til death do us part. After 26 years, we had long passed the ‘seven year itch’. I thought we had made it. In fact that was our song, Shania Twain ... “They said, "I bet they'll never make it" but just look at us holding on. We're still together still going strong..”
I know that I was, at least, ready for the next 20 something to bring it on.
This is perhaps the most personal, important status post I will be making here. I’ve never been one to air my dirty laundry for the world to see, but eventually even I know people are going to begin to talk, start to wonder, ask, and there’s just no point lying about it.
My husband Robert has informed me that he is leaving me. 26 years .... wow. 26 years together.
Why do so many long-united couples decide to split? How can people be so happy --to endure for so very long, only to then have the relationship turn sour in what was supposed to be our "golden years" together?
Now I DO
know some of the answers, I just never thought that there would come a time when they would have to apply to us. In most cases, the reasons are far less dramatic then all the numerous elaborate scenarios my brain has been entertaining these few days. Some relationships have been in decline for years and finally lose all their juice. A union doesn't usually just blow up all of the sudden. It's more like a balloon that’s been seeping air for a long time. After a while, especially without talking or any attempt to patch the rupture, it's totally deflated.
We could accuse each other, Robert. We could stack blame and point fingers all day long for the rest of our lives but in the end, when it all boils down, we just didn’t talk. We didn’t talk and instead allowed the sun to go down on our upset night after night until it festered like a infected wound.
But even now ---right now, yesterday, even the week and months before, our God is a healer. If it is his will, then there is nothing too impossible or so far gone that he cannot mend it. Likewise, if his will is not for us to remain then he will surely help me to know who I am apart from it. Hey, maybe I'll dye my hair
Maybe I'll move somewhere
Maybe I'll get a car
Maybe I'll drive so far
That I'll lose track
Me, I'll bounce right back
Maybe I'll sleep real late
Maybe I'll lose some weight
Maybe I'll clear my junk
Maybe I'll just get drunk on apple wine...